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And Then it Happened

The holiday season is generally difficult for ALL who are grieving the loss of a loved one. It is doubly so for those who grieve one who specifically genuinely loved and enjoyed Christmas. I didn’t even bother putting up decorations, neither last year nor this (being now the 2nd holiday without her). I was admittedly quite lazy and last-minute (or even late) with the gift-giving, and probably will be so again — though hopefully at least a little less lazy. So I was quite sure that this season, I would be just as Grinch-y.

Now, to fully appreciate this story, you need to understand how in LOVE my wife was with the music of Pentatonix, in particular their Christmas albums. The bowel-rumbling bass tones of Avi, specifically, would give her goose bumps. So just keep that in mind.

This week, as I walked into my grief counseling appointment — the last one, I had decided, at least for a long while — they had, as everyone does this time of year, some Christmas music mix playing in the background at the front desk. I pay my co-pay and sit. And then I hear it. The bouncing quasi-African-tribal-ish beats of PTX’s rendition of O Come All Ye Faithful. I can’t help but tap my feet to the rhythm. It stays with me as I work through the therapy session, confiding and venting and questioning, and all the things one normally does to their counselor. As we wrap up and say goodbye (for now), I wish her a Merry Christmas. The first time I’ve said it this year. I walk out the door and immediately pull up the Youtube video so I can listen to the whole song.

Hot on its heels comes Go Tell It On the Mountain, another unconventional rendition of a classic that hits all the right beats and all the good feels. And even the more traditional Little Drummer Boy makes an appearance. I defy you to listen to these songs and NOT feel a little warmer inside, a little spark of cheer.

And then it happened. I was “in the Christmas spirit”, as it were.

I was filled with the memories of our holidays together. They swept over me like a warm tide upon the cold stony shoreline. The happiness and excitement you exuded from every pore as we decorated our various apartments and trimmed our various trees. The warmth and aroma of your baking holiday treats for family and friends. The pure unbridled joy at seeing your loved ones happy as they opened your carefully selected and meaningful gifts. The cozy heart-healing cuddles in bed as we watched our traditional lineup of holiday movies. And always, always your extra special, extra mushy, romantic, heartfelt, soul-stirring handwritten card to me. (Often penguin-themed.)

I was no longer weighed down by the grudges I held against all who were happier than I was because they had not lost a spouse so close to the season. Nor did I require the constant re-validation that my feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, and confusion, were all perfectly valid and reasonable. Because they were. And are. But so are happiness, joy, generosity, charity, peace, and love. And so much more important are these. So much more healing to the soul. So much more warming to the heart.

Because that is what you, of all people, would have impressed upon me, upon us, during the holidays. Peace. Joy. Love. Your smile, your laughter, your happiness, your sparkle, your very essence, is what lives on in us — if only we let it.

Merry Christmas, my angel. ❤

joy peace love
And the greatest of these, is love.
Featured

In Less Than An Hour…

We all have our traditions. If you’re American like me, one of them probably involves doing a barbecue, and seeing some fireworks (or launching some of your own, if they’re legal in your county/city), tomorrow on July 4th. My wife and I usually did that too.

I’d like to share with you another tradition, which I think was a little more unique to us, or to her rather. It was also super adorable and always made me giggle.

Many of you know the 1996 sci-fi classic Independence Day. Will Smith, Bill Pullman (underrated actor, btw), Jeff Goldblum, Randy Quaid, Judd Hirsch, and that poor actress that nobody remembers. And Data, being charmingly creepy as usual. It’s a wonderful, highly quotable (“Yes yes, yes, without the ‘oops’!”) summer blockbuster alien-flick with just the right amount of cheese.

For reference, this is entirely too much cheese. For anything. Ever.

Our tradition was that we’d watch this movie together, on or around the 4th. She’d actually been doing this before she met me, regaling her family with quoted lines and re-enactments of key moments.

But the best part, the very most endearing, silly, and charming thing she did, was this: She would recite, word-for-word, that ridiculous fervent patriotic hype-up-the-troops speech which the president gives to his combat pilots just before the climactic aerial battle that defines the film’s final act. And of course we’d all applaud her like we were just as amped as those soldiers about to fly to their collective doom. (Spoiler alert!)

I mean, they don’t ALL die, but if you expected more than a few key characters.. and the token rando.. to walk out alive, you obviously don’t know how these scenarios play out. =P

And so, without further ado, I present to you, that speech. Because it’s awesome. And she was awesome for doing it, for making us laugh, and for brining us together with joy and love.

President Whitmore: Good morning.

[PA doesn’t work; it wasn’t on. He turns it on.]

President Whitmore: Good morning.

In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world; And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

“Mankind…” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist.

And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!

Today, we celebrate, our Independence Day!

Sometimes, you just wanna blow crap up…

If you’ve never seen the movie, do yourself a favor and watch it (on Hulu!). It’s just good old fashioned 90s sci-fi fun. And it actually holds up pretty well for its age.

Now go have an enjoyable, safe holiday weekend! Or, as Harry Connick Jr’s character would say…

Let’s kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy!